


Can You Imagine?

by RedNorski



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Depression, Post The End, Tord Redemption, a lot of guilt in general, more to be added - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 15:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9767714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedNorski/pseuds/RedNorski
Summary: He was thinking about his old friends, if he'd even a right to call them that at this point. Were they ever even friends, really? Even back all those years ago when their friendship was more genuine, he never really did treat them right either way. And now look at him, how he fucked up, the mess hed made. He came back into their lives and gave them false hope only to ruin everything. Why did he do that? He asked himself that a lot, actually. Usually he'd convince himself he was just too terribly in the moment, whatever that meant. His excuse was that he was so numb to everything around him that he didn’t consider the consequences of his words or actions.Still, it wasn't excusable.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ursa_Tattoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursa_Tattoo/gifts).



It had been months. 

 

Tord lie awake restless, as he had been every single night since the event. He hadn't slept on a healthy schedule in forever. He was depressed. Truly and absolutely, emotionally drained of nothing and everything all at once. How can one feel overwhelming sadness, and complete emptiness, at the same time? You’d think they were mutually exclusive.

 

He was thinking about his old friends, if he'd even a right to call them that at this point. Were they ever even friends, really? Even back all those years ago when their friendship was more genuine, he never really did treat them right either way. And now look at him, how he fucked up, the mess hed made. He came back into their lives and gave them false hope only to ruin everything. Why did he do that? He asked himself that a lot, actually. Usually he'd convince himself he was just too terribly in the moment, whatever that meant. His excuse was that he was so numb to everything around him that he didn’t consider the consequences of his words or actions. 

 

Still, it wasn't excusable. 

 

He didn't have a whole lot to do lately other than sleep and wallow in his own self pity. His current place of staying was the Red  Army base, but that actually wasn't much for what it's worth. There was only so much a small force of armed vigilantes could put together, and right now that's all they were. The  army wasn't actually.. officially started yet. Sure, they'd try to do something of importance when the need arose every once in awhile. Help with big things like the zombie outbreak a couple years back. But that was about it so far. 

 

He himself wasn't very functional either. The explosion left him scarred, half blind and half armless. His robot prosthetic was an early prototype, and not that well functional. It stood in nicely for helping him complete most tasks that require two hands, but he had very little nerve reception, and didn't feel much if anything at all. That made a huge difference. Hed blame tom for that, but honestly? All he had to blame for this was karma, and his own self. This was what he deserved. 

 

A few times he considered going back, just briefly, to apologise. Or at least sending a call, text, something to signify he was still alive. There was a pretty good chance Tom thought he'd killed him with the harpoon. He winced felt sick at the thought of the guilt Tom must be feeling over this. Shame on him for only thinking of his own self. 

 

He figured to himself it would be worth a shot to at least.. Text Edd’s number? Maybe? Just a little something, anything to signify that he still thought of him. 

 

_ Edd, _

_ I know I'm most likely the last person you want to hear from, but I thought it was important that I say something, even if not much. I want you to know i'm sorry, truly, for my actions. I know this doesn't mean a whole lot, or change anything, but the guilt has been eating at me non stop since the event. _

_ Hope its not eating you too, old friend.  _

 

My god Larsen, why so formal? This is a text message from a smartphone not a fucking handwritten note. Whatever, maybe edd would appreciate the sentiment? A man could only dream. 

 

_ Ping _

 

He didn't actually expect a reply, much less an immediate one. A bit disoriented by the surprise, he scrambled to grab his phone again from his bedside desk. He woke it from sleep mode and tapped in the knock password, cringing at the brightness that was too high for his sensitive eye. He checked his notifs. What they said made him cringe harder.

 

_ Wow uh _

_ Thanks _

_ Means a lot _

_ Actually not really but, _

_ We weren't sure if you were still alive so it’s cool to know that I guess _

_ Take care.  _

 

He couldn't help but smile, a tiny bit, at that Edd still cared about him even in the slightest. God, smiling fucking hurt. Especially when about half his face is scarred to hell and back. Also kind of hurt emotionally. He was scared. Scared smiling meant he was a bad person. People who did the things he did weren't allowed to be happy, weren't allowed to smile. 

 

But no, he was going to keep this on. Text Edd back. Do it. 

 

_ Oh um, cool _

_ How are the others doing?  _

 

_ Fine.  _

_ Toms been having nightmares, he thought he’d killed you _

 

“ _Fuck, I'm so sorry, I wish I could have_ -” Tord stopped typing mid sentence and backspaced it as Edd continued on. 

 

_ That was of course until we saw something about you on the news _

_ Whats this about an army? Is that really what the robot was for?  _

_ Are you bloody crazy, Tord?  _

 

_ Maybe a bit _

_ Or a lot, doesn't matter really _

_ I think I've already done the worst of anything I ever will _

 

And then he saw the dots. The dots that signified he had more to say and it probably wouldn't be good and his anxiety was overwhelming. He saw them come and go they disappeared without a new message, and he stared at the conversation for two whole minutes with nothing. He set it back down on the desk and rubbed his one functional eye with his one functional hand. God, as if this emotional baggage wasn't enough, now he had physical reasons to feel subhuman. 

 

He felt weight on his eyes and figured he should get back to sleep, otherwise he'd be taking a three hour nap in the middle of the day tomorrow. Not like he didn't do that out of pure depression anyway, but the urge would be harder to resist. So he did lie down, and then he heard it again. Goddamnit. 

 

The _ping_. The fucking notification sound and he didn't know whether to be glad his old friend was willing to talk to him or pissed that his old friend wouldn't let him sleep. He questioned himself for a second, asking why the hell he liked the phrase ‘old friend’ so much. To which he replied, to himself, ‘fuck you,’ and shoved the thought back. He picked up his phone again

 

_ Actually really it's Tom you should be apologising to _

_ I think he's the most traumatised out of all of us  _

 

Tord doubted that honestly, knowing Tom he assumed he'd be apathetic. But also, considering what hed done, it was a pretty huge deal so he could see tom having been moved by it just a little was understandable. Maybe ‘just a little’ was an understatement. 

 

_ Yeah? And how do you suggest I do that _

_ I don't have his number or anything _

 

_ Maybe, _

_ It'd be a lot more meaningful _

_ If you came in person, rather than just texting us so emptily _

_ Did you really think a shitty little message meant anything to me?  _

_ After what you've done?  _

_ Like, my goodness, Tord! I never wanted you to show your face again either but if you're going to try to bring yourself back into our lives after everything you better be damn prepared to do it genuinely.  _

 

He was right. It was foolish of himself to think he could portray anything of sincere emotion over fucking text. Tears began to form in his eye, but he was too busy with other thoughts to wipe them away. He started typing again, quick to offer the best solution he could in hopes of ridding himself of some of the heavy guilt that fell on him. 

 

_ Is that what you want? You want me to come visit again?  _

_ I'd love to, but I can't believe you trust me enough _

_ I wouldn't trust me _

 

The tears he'd been blinking back fell onto his cheek. His vision was blurring, so he blinked it away again. Blinking hard and pressuring his whole face, like he was trying to blink away emotion as a whole and not just display of it. 

 

_ Don't start with the pity party. I'm inviting you over so you can apologise to everyone, and that's it.  _

_ Not like I'm offering you to move back in again.  _

_ As long as you don't bring a gun or something stupid like that I don't think I have too much to worry about _

 

He was about to counter, say he'd never do something as ridiculously poorly thought out as bring a gun but. Hed be lying to himself. That was so like him, and it was no wonder people wouldn't trust one who'd believably pull a stunt like that. He almost laughed at the thought. Of someone trusting him, how outlandish it sounded. 

 

_ Right, I'll be sure to leave the guns at home.  _

_ So is that it? Do I come over tomorrow then?  _

 

_ Yeah sure, tomorrow's fine. I won't set a time, since we're not doing anything. _

_ Try not to make it too late at night though.  _

_ And don't fuck it up.  _

 

_ I won't.  _

 

He clutched his phone close, closing his eyes and letting himself cry silently. Though maybe not wholly silent, as he was shivering. Intensely. Had he always been? He only just now caught himself, but he felt he'd been shivering for a long time. He tried to take this as a moment, even if only a brief one, to try to calm his nerves. He tried to ground himself to the reality of the situation. He was going to visit edd again tomorrow, he was going to apologise, then he was going to leave. Simple and to the point. 

  
He let himself fall back onto the bed and lie on it, his body sprawled out on the whole surface. He heard a loud thud, took it as his phone falling on the floor. He didn't have the energy to get up and get it now. He finally closed his eye, giving in to exhaustion. He begged himself to let himself to rest easy tonight. 

**Author's Note:**

> its been a really long time since i last wrote anything with legitimate plot and i tried to fix that a little. i know its not that long but its something and in my eyes thats all that really matters. feedback is appreciated so i know if anyone has any interest in me continuing this. stay tuned for possible shipping in later chapters. also i gift this work to ursa because she is my favourite author and i love her so much


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